


there's nowhere to hide (from these bones, from my mind)

by treblemakerz



Category: Mean Girls (2004), Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: F/F, PTSD, get ready for the angst train, mention of suicide, some fluff bc i love these two
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-06-17 09:46:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15458637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/treblemakerz/pseuds/treblemakerz
Summary: night terrors: episodes of screaming, intense fear, and flailing while still asleep.





	1. part one

**Author's Note:**

> someone sent me a prompt a while back for regina finding out that janis still has nightmares about what happened in 8th grade; as someone who actually experiences ptsd-induced night terrors, i ran with it.
> 
> title is from spring awakening.

The first time she has one is the night before she starts ninth grade.

She's going back to North Shore after leaving for art therapy, and the idea of facing a sea of Regina's hostile drones makes Janis sick to her stomach. She forgoes dinner, ignoring her mother's worried expression, and goes to bed nauseous and full of dread.

When she wakes up four hours later in a pool of cold sweat with her mom clutching her in her arms, Janis starts to cry.

She was screaming, her mother explains. Screaming like someone was bludgeoning her, like she was trying desperately to use every ounce of power in her lungs. Her body had been tossing as if she were fighting something off.

All Janis can remember is the fear that paralyzed her as she watched Regina George turn on her over and over. Watching her best friend take her soul in her hands and crush it into dust, rooted to the spot and trying desperately to escape.

Janis had never felt so terrified in her life.

She spends the rest of the night awake on the floor next to her mom's bed, facing the ceiling and listening to the sound of the woman's breathing to remind her of where she was and that she was safe.

—

The episodes keep happening.

Every few nights Janis wakes up to a dark room, screaming and sweating and sometimes on the ground because she's thrown herself out of bed. She learns to put her makeup on in thick layers to hide the dark circles under her eyes. She dreads going to sleep, as if one day she might be so afraid that she just can't wake up.

Midway through her sophomore year, Janis's mom finally takes her to a sleep specialist. Janis quietly recounts to him what happened in eighth grade and that she just keeps reliving it at night.

He tells her that it's most likely PTSD-induced night terrors. Janis almost snorts at that. Terror. The word seems like a perfect fit for Regina.

The blonde has only gotten worse as high school has progressed, ruling North Shore with an ever-tightening iron fist. In freshman year, Janis used to become awash with sadness when she looked at her; she'd remember the way Regina would laugh while they watched some stupid movie in Janis' garage, or the way she could always make Regina smile when she would cry by making her favorite sandwich (peanut butter and marshmallow fluff, though she doubts Regina has had one in a long time), or the way Regina’s pink gloss shimmered when Janis would steal a glance at her lips. But as she suffered through more and more sleepless nights, the sadness eventually gave way to anger and hatred. Now when Regina struts by her in the halls, the word “dyke” fresh on her lips, Janis doesn’t mourn for what she’s lost. She wants Regina to pay.

—

When Cady arrives, it’s all too easy. This is Janis’ chance at revenge. Regina’s finally going to get a taste of her own medicine.

But then Cady succumbs to the allure of the Plastics, and Janis can almost see her skin turn hard before her eyes. The night terrors had never subsided, but the night of Cady’s party, as she falls asleep on Damian’s couch, the scene has changed.

It isn’t just Regina torturing her that night; Cady's there now, too, taunting Janis and questioning why she ever thought they would be friends once Cady realized her potential. They rip her apart like a lion tearing at its meat, laughing as they claw at her skin and watch her scream.

Damian shakes her back to consciousness, having been woken up by the yells coming from downstairs. She sobs in his arms until morning.

—

Regina gets hit by a bus and everything changes.

Suddenly, the sadness that had enveloped Janis during freshman year comes back in full force. The girl that Regina had become wasn’t her friend, no—but that girl is still in there somewhere. Janis has never stopped believing that, no matter how much she denies it. To watch her be swept away by the oncoming force, to know that any chance of that girl coming back had died for fifteen seconds…it makes Janis’ head spin.

There’s almost a silver lining to the night terrors, for a while. At least when Regina is causing her to scream in the night, she’s alive.

Strangely enough, Janis realizes that the only thing more terrifying than her nights would be to lose Regina altogether.

—

“I’m so sorry, Janis.”

The words are whispered by a fallen angel in a spinal halo, her hands on Janis’ shoulders in a darkened corner of Spring Fling. Regina had asked Janis to dance to whatever garbage slow song was playing and Janis, against her better judgement, had agreed.

Regina doesn’t look at Janis as the words leave her. Janis isn’t sure if it’s out of shame or insincerity; but when Regina does bring her head up after a moment and Janis sees tears glistening in her eyes, she has a feeling it’s the former.

“I know I messed up, and I know the past few years have been hell for you because of what I did and how I’ve acted. So I’m sorry. I told Cady not to apologize for things that aren’t her fault, but I have to apologize for this, because I’m the only one to blame.”

Taking in a breath, Janis tries to absorb all of this. She hadn’t planned on the evening going this direction.

“I miss you,” Regina adds, “and I miss what we used to be. Maybe we could go back to that, someday?”

Janis scoffs. “I don’t think it’s that easy, Regina.”

She watches as the blonde’s face falls. Janis studies her, and is surprised to find that for the first time in a long time, she sees an inkling of that girl she used to know. So she takes a chance.

“There’s no putting the broken pieces back together, but maybe, with time, we can start something new. Or whatever.”

The song ends, and they separate. Regina grins, an honest grin, and Janis puts her hand up before she can speak. “It’s gonna take work, Regina. A lot of fucking work. For both of us.”

“I know. And I know I can’t change overnight. But I can try.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

They part ways, and Janis rides home on the back of Damian’s grandma’s Jazzy with a bit more hope than she’d left the house with.

She thinks that maybe after her semi-reconciliation with Regina, the night terrors might end.

They don’t.

—

By the beginning of their senior year, Regina and Janis have slowly, steadily, forged a fragile friendship. It’s not perfect, but it’s something. Cady’s delighted by the fact that they can all hang out as a group now: she, Janis, Damian, Regina, Gretchen, and Karen (who Janis has, admittedly, grown quite fond of).

Damian remains wary of the former queen bee. But he sees the progress Regina has been making, and eventually accepts that perhaps she really is changing for the better. And okay, he certainly isn’t complaining about having someone to talk fashion with.

Janis, meanwhile, is grappling with a whole new problem. Ever since the Spring Fling, there’s been this…this feeling growing in the pit of her stomach. It rears its ugly head whenever Regina smiles at her or, god forbid, touches her. If Janis is being honest with herself, she knows exactly what the feeling is. She’s felt it before, almost five years prior. But she just pushes it down.

She isn’t ready to admit that she’s falling for Regina George again.

Things are made more complicated by the fact that, despite Janis’ waking days taking a sharp turn for the better, the night terrors still plague her sleep. They’re even more frustrating now that she’s friends with Regina again, because she knows that the girl in her dreams isn’t the same girl she sees each morning. Her subconscious just isn’t getting the message.

She still hasn’t told anyone about the terrors except for Damian. He worries, especially because he knows Janis better than anyone and can clearly see the feelings that she’s developing. He doesn’t say anything, though. He doesn’t feel like it’s his place to step on something so delicate.

The first week of September, Kevin decides to host a senior year kickoff at his house. Mathlete or not, the guy knows how to throw a party; even Regina knows that. So that's where they all end up on a warm Friday night: chugging shitty beer (or water, in Cady's case) in a packed living room.

Janis has to admit, she's not having a bad time. She doesn't drink much because the beer is truly just awful, but she mingles with the different groups at the party and after an hour or so she ends up on the dance floor with some girl named Becca.

Becca's pretty great, Janis thinks to herself. They spend a lot of the night just talking, and Janis gathers that she's smart, funny, and clearly interested in her. She's pretty, too, but it shakes Janis just how similar Becca looks to Regina.

Regina. Now that she's thinking about it, when's the last time she saw Regina? Not for an hour, at least. Regina George is always the life of the party. If she's missing, something's wrong. She tries to push the thought out of her head, but she keeps coming back to it.

Before she really knows what she's doing, Janis is excusing herself and starting to get up from where she and Becca are sitting. Becca slips Janis a piece of paper with her number on it and Janis distractedly takes it.

She knows deep down that she has no intention of using it.

Making her way around the house, Janis can't seem to find Regina anywhere. She runs into Karen outside on the porch, but she's so drunk that Janis doesn't bother asking her if she's seen Regina.

After scoping out the (surprisingly large) downstairs, Janis ventures up to the second floor and checks the bathroom right near the landing, only to find Cady and Aaron making out on the sink.

She slams that door REALLY fucking fast.

Next is Kevin's room. Janis pushes the door open just a crack and peers in, genuinely afraid of what she might find going on in there.

It's Regina. She's on Kevin's bed, leaning back against the headboard with her eyes closed. It's the most peaceful Janis has seen her in a long time. Her blonde locks are framing her face just right, her lips are parted ever so slightly, and she's almost glowing in the artificial light of the bedside lamp. The feeling in Janis' stomach burns bright. For a moment, she forgets why she's here, just taking a moment to drink in the vision.

A shout from downstairs shocks her back to reality, and she stumbles forward into the room.

"What the fu--Janis?!"

Janis regains her balance and rubs the back of her neck sheepishly. "Hey, Regina. Thought you might be puking your brains out somewhere. But you're here. So that's cool, I guess."

Regina raises an eyebrow and sits up straighter. Janis doesn't miss the way she winces when she does so.

"So, you're saying you were worried about me?"

"It's your back, isn't it?" Janis asks, ignoring Regina's question.

Regina contemplates her answer for a moment, eventually realizing that she can't lie to Janis. "Yeah. I can't really stand for too long. It's a pain in the ass, but that's what happens when you get hit by a bus."

There's an edge to her voice, but it's not directed at the other girl. Perhaps it's directed at all the things she did that led them to where they are.

Janis motions for Regina to move over so she can sit beside her. She starts to speak, but Regina beats her to it.

"I saw you getting pretty cozy with Becca down there."

"Uh, yeah, I guess. She's cool."

Regina makes a noncommital noise. Janis turns to look at her.

"What, no seal of approval from Queen Regina?"

"I just think you can do better."

An empty laugh escapes Janis' mouth. "Like who? You?"

An uncomfortable silence quickly falls over the two of them. Regina looks up to meet Janis' gaze. Janis, panicking, starts to backtrack.

"You've just made it VERY clear that you're not gay, if the last five years have anything to say abo--"

She's cut off by Regina kissing her. Stunned but quickly becoming caught up in the moment, Janis closes her eyes and lets herself melt against Regina's soft lips. She's kissed a lot of people in her life (mostly drunken hookups, granted) but nothing has felt quite like this. The heat in her stomach bursts into an inferno.

Just as soon as it begins, it's over. Regina pulls away, breathless, leaving Janis frozen, eyes closed, dumbstruck.

It takes a minute but she eventually comes to her senses, snapping her eyes open to search Regina's blue ones. There's a new tenderness in them, and a bit of fear.

"How long have you known?"

"You weren't the only one with a crush in eighth grade," Regina says quietly.

Janis should be mad, should be furious, should be slapping Regina across the face and asking how she could live with herself when she ruined Janis' life over something they shared.

Six months ago, she would have.

But things are different now. When she wills herself to be angry, all she can muster is a twinge of something long left behind. Forgiveness had come a lot quicker than she thought it would.

She sighs. "What a fucking cliche. The homophobe is a closet case."

Regina manages a giggle before going silent again. A beat, and then, "I shouldn't have kissed you. I'm sorry."

"No, you're not doing that. You don't get to take it back now."

"Don't you want me to?"

"The entire school knows that I have a big, lesbian crush on you. You were thoughtful enough to inform them all five years ago. What makes you think that's changed?"

Regina looks more surprised than Janis has ever seen her. "You can't expect me to believe that after all this time, after everything I did, you still feel the same way."

"Regina," Janis starts, "for most of high school, you've been a monster. Most of me hated you. Most of me wanted you to pay for all the grief you caused me. But some part of me kept finding these little glimpses of the girl who used to be my best friend. Your smile, your laugh, your tendency to watch cartoons on your laptop on class when you think no one is watching. That was the girl I fell for, and some part of me knew she was still in there. That part of me never really got over you." She takes a breath. "I see that girl shining through a lot more these days. And the rest of me is starting to get back on board."

Not only is she admitting this to Regina, but it's the first time she's really admitting it to herself. It's a scary feeling.

Tears are freely flowing down Regina's face now. She swipes at them, embarrassed. "I never got over you either. I always thought the art freak thing was pretty sexy, actually."

Janis just smiles and leans in to kiss her again.

It's sweeter this time, with their emotions laid bare between them. They grasp at each other and Regina is pulling Janis as close as she can, as if she might slip away at any moment.

When Regina tries to pull them both down onto the mattress, Janis stops her.

"Not that this isn't great and all, but I really don't want to be doing anything else on Kevin Gnapoor's bed."

Regina rolls her eyes. "Fine. Can I at least walk you home?"

"I'd love that."

\--

"Janis?! Janis, wake up!"

Janis bolts up in her bed, her eyes wet with tears and her body shaking. She looks to her right and sees Regina, a hand on Janis's shoulder, a terrified expression on her face.

Oh, right. She'd let Regina stay over so she didn't have to walk home.

Regina is clearly trying to compose herself, but her face betrays her fear and sympathy. Janis hates it.

"Janis, are you okay? What was that? You were screaming, and seizing, and--"

"Nothing, I'm fine," Janis interjects, letting out a shuddering breath. She touches her forehead only to find that it's drenched in sweat.

Regina scoffs. "I'm not an idiot. Clearly, this isn't nothing."

Janis looks down at her lap, avoiding eye contact. At the sight of her apprehension, Regina softens.

"You don't have to tell me. I just...I want us to be at a point where you can trust me again."

The brunette winces. Regina is right; if they want to do...to be...whatever, they need to be able to trust each other. But her nightmare echoes in her mind, a different Regina looking down on her from high atop her louboutins. "Do you really think I'd ever want to kiss some dyke?" that Regina had laughed. "Do you really think you're meant for anything greater than offing yourself on the bathroom floor?"

Janis knows that the Regina George in her subconscious isn't the girl who's currently looking at her with kind, worried eyes. But she also knows that if she tells Regina the truth, the blonde won't get that. And Janis isn't ready to break something that's barely begun.

So she lies. Or at least, doesn't tell the whole truth.

"I have really bad nightmares sometimes. My doctor says they're called 'night terrors.' It's not a big deal. I'm sorry that I freaked you out, though."

"What are they about?"

"I don't...really like to talk about it. You actually already know more now than pretty much everyone, except Damian and my mom. And my doctor."

Regina bites her lip. Janis can tell she's clearly not buying all of this, but she can also tell that she doesn't want to press the issue.

With a sigh, Regina lurches forward and wraps her arms around Janis. "I'm sorry. You don't have to talk about it. But I want to be here for you."

It takes a moment, but Janis eventually hugs back. She wills her eyes not to water.

They pull apart and tentatively make eye contact.

"Do you wanna watch a movie instead of trying to sleep again?" Regina suggests.

Janis lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "Yes, please."

Regina gets up to rifle through Janis's DVDs, and Janis can't help but stare at the back of her head and wonder how they got here.

"God, do you own anything that's not some art freak movie?"

Janis smiles. Things would be alright. She'd make sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm splitting this in half because it ended up longer than i thought so look out for part two soon
> 
> feedback is always appreciated, and you can hit me up at treblemakerz.tumblr.com


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really sorry this literally took five months to finish because i'm garbage

It doesn’t take long for Janis and Regina to make things official and become North Shore’s resident annoying couple. They don’t waste time hiding their relationship from their friends, on the grounds that they really couldn’t stand to have stress and tension between them again.

Everyone is fairly supportive, though all but Damian and Karen are thoroughly shocked (Karen responds to the news with a wide smile and a giddy “about time,” which sends Janis into hysterics and earns a scowl from Regina).

Mrs. Sarkisian, however, is less than thrilled.

Regina makes a habit of taking Janis home from school once she’s cleared to drive again. On the first of these many occasions, Regina’s pink Prius pulls in front of the Sarkisians' and Janis’s mother is standing rigid on the porch, waiting.

“Your mom doesn’t like me,” Regina sighs.

“She’ll warm up to you,” Janis reassures, “just give her some time. She still has this image of ice queen Regina in her head.”

With a quick kiss, Janis is out of the car and heading towards the house. She walks past her mom, but she’s quickly followed into the kitchen and cornered before she can get away.

“I don’t like this, Janis.”

Janis lets out a huff. “I know, Mom. But it’s not up to you.”

Mrs. Sarkisian puts a hand on each of Janis’s shoulder and gives her a look of concern. “She hurt you, baby. She’s still hurting you. Your room is still up the hall from me, you know; I can still hear you screaming.”

“Regina’s different now, and you know it. Every day, it feels more like it did when we were kids. Almost like the past few years never happened.”

“But they _did_ , Janis, and you can’t just erase that. I spent years holding you at night because you were too shaken up to go back to sleep. Have you even told Regina that she’s the reason you have these episodes?”

At that, Janis hardens. “No. And I don’t plan to. It’ll scare her away.”

As Janis turns and stomps towards the stairs, Mrs. Sarkisian’s face falls into her hands. “Maybe it should,” she says to herself.

—

Because of the obvious tension between Regina and Mrs. Sarkisian, most of the couple’s time is spent at the Georges’ house. Mrs. George had been ecstatic when Regina told her that they were dating, both because she cherishes Regina being open with her and because she's always had a soft spot for Regina’s little punk best friend.

The woman has become a lot more mellow, Janis notices, ever since Regina started reverting back to her old self. But she still greets both girls with an enthusiastic hug each time they enter the house. Regina always rolls her eyes, but Janis knows she really doesn’t mind.

On the nights when Janis’s mom is working and she doesn’t feel like being home alone, she finds herself staying at Regina’s, cuddled up in bed with the taller girl who, though she’d never admit it, loves being the little spoon.

Janis takes her time falling asleep when she’s with Regina, because she never knows if it’s going to be one of those nights or not. She knows that Regina worries and gets frustrated that Janis won’t tell her what causes her so much distress. But when she watches Regina drift off to sleep in her arms, clutching Janis’s hand and looking so peaceful, Janis hopes that her brain will soon reconcile that the beautiful girl pulled close to her is the real Regina George and the monster of her dreams will stop appearing.

When she does find herself having a breakdown in Regina’s bed at three in the morning, Regina is always there, hand on her back and lips to her ear, whispering sweet nothings and never prying even though she’s dying to for Janis to let her in.

(Mrs. George catches on, though. She hears Janis’s cries when she stays over, and as someone who’s intimately familiar with the cruelty Regina was capable of, it doesn’t take her long to get an idea of what’s causing it. It hurts her to know that her daughter could be the root of such a thing. It hurts her to know that she didn’t do enough to stop it when it was happening.

She doesn’t tell Regina; she knows that’s up to Janis and Janis alone.)

—

They have their first fight on Halloween.

Janis is sitting on Regina’s bed, wearing her trademark horns with her makeup a bit heavier than usual, waiting for Regina to finish getting ready in the bathroom.

Halloween was never really Janis’s thing. She’d wanted to just watch a movie with Damian like they always did, but Aaron had invited them all to a college halloween party, and Janis couldn’t quite say no once Regina broke out the puppy dog eyes.

The door opens and Regina walks in, striking a pose for Janis. “So? What do you think?”

Janis takes a moment to drink in the sight before her. Regina’s opted to dress as a Greek goddess, wearing a sheer white dress that falls at her mid-thigh and features a neckline that doesn’t stop anywhere near her neck. As Regina turns, Janis notices that most of her back is exposed as well. A laurel of fake golden leaves sits atop her loose blonde hair.

She’s a vision, Janis thinks. But against her better judgement, something’s irking her.

“What exactly is your goal here, Regina?” Janis snarks without thinking.

The room seems to get ten degrees colder. Regina freezes, her eyes hardening. “What are you talking about?”

“You’re not the ’Queen Plastic’ anymore, right? So, don’t get me wrong, you look great, but why are you still pulling the whole slutty costume thing?”

“Oh, so I can only feel good about my body if I’m being a bitch, is that it?” Regina snarls.

“Come on, Regina. Girls don’t wear stuff like that to ‘feel good about themselves.’”

“You’re such a fucking asshole, Janis.”

“Excuse me?”

Janis is honestly stunned. She didn’t expect this kind of reaction from Regina, but clearly she’d hit some sort of nerve.

“You know,” Regina continues, “we always talk about all the shitty things I did to you, and I spent so much time making up for ruining your life, but we don’t ever acknowledge what you did to me.”

In an instant, Janis feels small.

“Do you think it was easy, finding someone new I could trust only to realize she was just using me? Do you think it was easy knowing I was gaining weight and not being able to figure out why?”

Janis stays silent. Regina goes on.

“Do you think it was easy hurting two guys I cared about because I couldn’t be with the person I really wanted? And then finding out she was the one orchestrating it all?”

“I didn’t think—“

“You’re right, Janis, you didn’t think. You just came through like some sort of revenge tornado and destroyed everyone in your path. I would never have worn something like this last spring because I would never have been able to look at myself in it. _You_ did that to me.”

Regina collapses next to Janis on the bed, tears hot in her eyes. It’s quiet for a moment, before she turns to look at her girlfriend.

“And you never even said you were sorry.”

All at once, Janis shatters.

She would argue, she would say that she didn’t know, that she didn’t mean to, but she’d be lying. Of course she had meant to. That had been the plan, hadn’t it? Break Regina George. Bring her to her knees. Janis thought they had faced the consequences of that with the burn book and the bus, but that wasn’t it.

This, this right here was the consequence. Watching the girl she had (re)grown so fond of fall apart before her eyes because Janis had made her hate herself so much.

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry,” Janis whispers, and wraps her arms around Regina. She hears Regina start to sob, and her chest tightens. “I don’t ever want to hurt you again.”

A few minutes pass as they stay there, wrapped up in each other. Eventually, Regina pulls back and meets Janis’s eyes.

“I didn’t know all of that was still pent up in there,” she sniffs.

“You’re right, though,” Janis sighs. “I never did apologize. And I’ll always regret that I let you take the blame for everything that happened. But I’m telling you now: I’m so, so sorry.”

Regina stares for a moment, before pressing a soft kiss to Janis’s lips. “Thank you.” She grabs the other girl’s hand. “I don’t want us to keep stuff like this inside anymore, okay? That’s the only way we can do this. We need to trust each other with what happened or else it’s not going to work.”

A pit forms in Janis’s stomach. She thinks about the night terrors, but pushes that aside and gives a weak smile. “Okay.”

“Oh, and Janis?”

“Yeah?”

“Cool it on the slutshaming. You’re kind of the worst feminist ever,” Regina says, standing up and holding her hand out to pull Janis up.

Janis laughs. “Yeah, you might be right.”

—

The holiday season rolls around and on the last day before break, the whole gang finds themselves at the lunch table exchanging gifts. Even Aaron skips one of his lectures to drive over and spend the hour with them.

After Gretchen opens her gift from Karen (an origami menorah that Karen has somehow managed to create; no one has the heart to tell her that a paper menorah is probably a huge fire hazard), Regina pulls a small box from her purse and nudges it over to Janis. Giving Janis a small nod when the girl’s eyes ask if she should open it now, she watches as Janis carefully lifts the lid.

There’s a beat of silence.

“You kept it? Since eighth grade?”

Regina gives a nervous smile. “Couldn’t ever bring myself to get rid of it.”

Damian waves his hand between the two of them. “Stop being cryptic and gross and share with the group, gays.”

Janis pulls a necklace out of the box. It’s a cheap, fake gold chain with a half-heart charm attached to it.

“When we were in middle school, we used to have those cheeseball ‘best friends’ necklaces. After the whole space alien incident, I may or may not have ripped mine off and thrown it at Regina in a fit of rage.”

"That sounds about right," Cady pipes up.

“I figured it was about time you got it back,” Regina says, and Janis gives her a look with so much love in her eyes that Aaron starts to make gagging noises in the background. “I definitely wouldn’t wear it, though; it’ll probably turn your skin green.”

Before anyone else can make a comment, Janis hands a thin, hastily wrapped package to Regina. Raising her eyebrows, the blonde rips the paper away.

It’s silent again as Regina looks at the canvas in her hands, until Damian slams his hands on the table. “Oh for god’s sake, just tell us what it is!”

Regina’s eyes are wet, and she blinks before softly whispering, “It’s me.”

Everyone clambers over to get a look. Sure enough, it’s a painting of Regina, a profile of her bust with a bright sun shining down on her halo of blonde hair. Her eyes shine and her lips are turned into a half smile. Regina has never seen something so beautiful in her life.

“Is this…how you see me?”

Janis nods, and the two girls share a smile.

“Thank you,” Regina whispers, “it’s sensational.”

A moment passes, and Gretchen coughs, pulling them back to the lunchroom and sending Janis into a fit of awkwardness. “I’m, uh, gonna go get more tater tots,” she says, stumbling over her words and tripping on her way up.

As her girlfriend walks away, Regina locks eyes with Damian. “Hey, can I talk to you?”

“Yeah, sure?”

\--

“Janis Sarkisian, you useless lesbian!”

Janis turns to face the direction of the shouting to see Damian charging up the hall towards her, and before she knows it he’s pushing her into an empty classroom.

“Wow, Damian, I’m flattered that you want to do the whole ‘empty-classroom-makeout-session’ thing with me, but just a reminder, we’re both gay.”

When Damian doesn’t laugh, Janis starts to worry.

“You still haven’t told Regina that there’s a psycho evil version of her running around in your brain at night?”

“Um, no, I, uh, haven’t gotten around to it. Why, what happened?”

“At lunch today when you got up to get more food, Regina dragged me away to ask if I would tell her what was going on with your night terrors because she knows you’re not telling her everything. The girl may be blonde, Janis, but she’s not Karen Smith. You can’t fool her forever.”

Janis closes her eyes and rubs her temples. “I don’t want to hurt her.”

“You already are,” Damian says with a sigh. “I could see it in her eyes. You can’t give her a painting like that and treat her like she’s your whole world while still keeping this from her. It’s going to tear her apart. And I can't imagine it's easy to tear Regina George apart.”

“You didn’t tell her anything, did you?”

“No, I told her that it’s something you need to talk to her about when you’re ready. Though she did threaten to spread a rumor that my shoes are last season if I didn’t tell her. So, let’s hope that doesn’t pan out.”

Janis’s gaze meets Damian’s. “I will. I’ll tell her when I’m ready. Maybe after the holidays. I just…I need some more time.”

“I know, Janis. But eventually you might run out of it.”

—

If you had told Janis a year ago that she would find herself spending the first day of her Christmas break at the mall with Regina George, she probably would have punched you in the face. But yet, here they are, holding hands as they do some last-minute holiday shopping at Regina’s request. Her arms were full with bags that Regina couldn't be bothered to carry herself.

Some things never change.

“Regina, I know you said you needed to get something for your mom, but so far all you’ve bought is a shit ton of clothes for yourself and a pack of Skittles.”

Regina huffs, and Janis swears the girl actually stomps her feet. “I’m not used to buying stuff for other people! I haven’t done it in so long.”

“Well,” Janis chuckles, “this is your punishment for your years of Grinchiness.”

“That’s not a word, Janis.”

“It is, and that’s that.”

After another hour of failed shopping, Janis spots one of those overly sweet, vomit-inducing Things Remembered stores, and has a thought.

“Hey, what if you get your mom, like, a custom frame or something and have it engraved with something cheesy? And you can put a picture of yourself or the two of you in it. I know it’s a little gross and sentimental for you, but I honestly think she’d love it.”

Regina stops in her tracks, and looks at Janis with an unreadable expression. Janis panics, afraid she’s said something wrong.

“I mean, it’s a dumb idea. Forget it. I don’t know why—“

“Janis. That’s perfect. I can’t even begin to tell you how perfect that is.”

Regina breaks into a giant grin. She begins to pull Janis into a kiss, but is stopped by a hand on her chest.

“I don’t see any mistletoe. I don’t think you’re allowed to kiss me unless there’s mistletoe.”

“Shut up, Janis,” Regina growls, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend and bringing their lips together. Jason lets out a whistle from over by the pretzel stand, and Janis flips him off over Regina's shoulder.

A few moments pass before Janis pulls away to breathe. “God, I love you,” slips out before she can stop it, and she freezes.

Shit. Shit shit shit.

She opens her mouth to…well, not to take it back (she doesn’t regret it, how could she?), but to tell Regina it’s okay if she doesn’t return the sentiment, there isn’t any pressure, to make sure—

“About fucking time. I love you, too.”

Janis’s vision explodes into a field of colors. She had never really understood what people meant when they said they felt fireworks, but she gets it now.

“Listen,” Regina says, snapping Janis back to reality, “I’m gonna go place the order for that frame, but when I’m done, do you want to stay over tonight?

“Why are you asking me if I want to stay over? I sleep at your place all the time. You never ask.”

But there’s something different in Regina’s eyes, something hungrier.

“Oh. OH. Yeah, um, yes! I would love to…spend the night. Can we swing by my house first so I can grab my backpack?”

Regina raises an eyebrow. “Sure, but you’d better be quick. I don’t like to be kept waiting.”

She turns on her heel and heads toward Things Remembered, feeling Janis’s eyes boring into her back.

—

Almost an hour later, Regina finds herself in Janis’s kitchen, sitting awkwardly across from Mrs. Sarkisian while she waits for Janis to gather her things upstairs. She had wanted to just wait in the car, but Janis insisted that Regina come inside because she didn't know how long she would be.

“So…how have you been?” Regina tries, in a vain attempt to break the tension between them.

The only response she receives is a cold stare. She debates her next move before making a decision.

"Listen, Mrs. Sarkisian, I know I'm not your favorite person right now. I know I haven't been for a while. But I love Janis. And I hope in time you can forgive me the way that she has. It would mean a lot to me, and to her, too."

That grabs Mrs. Sarkisian's attention. The older woman's face morphs into a mixture of disgust and rage, and she lets out a sharp laugh before she speaks.

"You love my daughter? You _love_ …oh, that’s rich. What has Janis gotten herself into?”

“I just think—“

“I don’t really want to hear what you think, Regina. Maybe you should try and explain it to Janis’s sleep specialist, though.”

Regina pales. “What do you mean?”

“She still hasn’t told you, has she?” Mrs. Sarkisian’s eyes narrow at the girl across from her. “For over three years, I’ve watched Janis have sleepless night after sleepless night because _you_ keep running through her head. I’ve had to watch my daughter suffer through something that I have no control over. You can’t possibly understand how that feels. So excuse me if I’m not as quick to forgive and forget.”

The room turns to ice. Regina feels frozen, but out of the corner of her eye she can see her hands shaking. She can’t breathe. She doesn’t know how to breathe.

Before she knows it, she’s grabbing her coat and running for the door.

Janis comes down the stairs to see her mom at the table, head in her hands, and her girlfriend already halfway out to the porch.

“Regina?” she calls.

Regina turns and catches her eye, before choking out a sob sand slamming the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao you thought this was gonna be a two-part fic? yeah me too but guess what there's gonna be one more because it got too long
> 
> stay tuned for dramaaaa
> 
> & hmu on tumblr @treblemakerz


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